Stop Waiting for Confidence: How Women Build Self-Belief Through Action (Not Perfection)

Why confidence comes after courage, not before it

How many times have you told yourself you’ll apply for that promotion next time?
Or you’ll finally speak up in that meeting when you “feel more confident”?
Or you’ll back yourself properly once you’ve earned it, proved it, or someone finally hands you permission?

Here’s the truth every woman with experience needs to hear — whether you run a business, lead a team, or you’re in the thick of a career reinvention:

If you’re waiting for confidence before you take action, you’ll be waiting a very long time.

Confidence doesn’t come first.
Courage does.
Then action.
Then confidence follows.

This is the real psychology behind overcoming self-doubt — especially for women who have spent years carrying the mental load, leading from the shadows, or shrinking to fit into rooms never designed for them.

And if you want to dive deeper into this, I’ve unpacked it all in this week’s It’s Got Pockets podcast episode — you can listen here:
▶️ Crack Your Confidence Code.

Why Self-Doubt Shows Up Exactly When You’re Ready to Grow

Two teachers once told me I couldn’t sing.
So… I didn’t. For years.

I mimed Christmas carols.
I mimed Happy Birthday — to my own kids.
I became a quiet, committed non-singer.

Because my brain — like yours — took two small comments and turned them into a lifelong belief.

This is what our brains do when we’re under pressure or stepping up:
delete, distort and generalise.

Especially for women.

Someone calls you “too loud”, “too emotional”, or my personal favourite, “too much fun” — and suddenly you’re toning yourself down, holding back your opinions, becoming smaller in rooms you should be leading.

Here’s the behavioural science version:

• Your brain is wired for survival, not success

• Self-doubt is a safety mechanism

• The more something matters, the louder the doubt becomes

• Stretching yourself triggers threat responses

• The brain overestimates risk and underestimates your capability

It’s protective — until it becomes limiting.

Protective doubt says: “Prepare more.”
Limiting doubt says: “Don’t bother.”

Most women I work with — founders, leaders, C-suite, high performers — are held back by the latter.

The Confidence Myth That Keeps Women Stuck

Too many women think:

“I’ll speak up when I feel more confident.”
“I’ll apply when I feel ready.”
“I’ll raise my rates once I feel worthy.”
“I’ll do it next time.”

But “next time” is where confidence goes to die.

Confidence is not a pre-requisite for action.
Confidence is the result of action.

This is why women with decades of experience still feel like beginners.
This is why imposter syndrome is so rampant amongst senior women.
This is why talented women stay quiet in meetings or delay opportunities.

We wait to feel different instead of doing differently.

How Women Build Confidence: The Press Play Mindset

If you want to build confidence — real, grounded, unshakeable confidence — you must start by interrupting the doubt cycle.

Here’s the method I teach inside FoundHer Fire, and it’s one I’ve lived myself:

1. Catch the doubt.

Noticing the thought reduces its power.
“Oh, there’s that voice again telling me I’m not ready.”

2. Flip the thought.

From: “I can’t do this yet.”
To: “I may never feel ready — but I’m absolutely capable.”

This sparks a cognitive shift that moves your brain out of threat mode and into logic.

3. Take one tiny action within 20 seconds.

Send the email.
Put your hand up.
Ask the question.
Submit your application.
Move.

This is how women build confidence at work, in business, and in life:
action → evidence → confidence.

It’s not about waiting for the fear to disappear.
It’s about acting even though it’s there.

Your Environment Matters - But It Won’t Do the Work For You

Being surrounded by the right people accelerates confidence.
Women who see you.
Women who get it.
Women who’ve lived a bit and led a lot.

This is why FoundHer Fire exists — a community of experienced, ambitious women building their next chapter with clarity, courage and zero apology.

But here’s the truth:

No one can believe in you harder than you believe in yourself.

People can cheerlead you — but you’re the one who has to press play.

Build Your Confidence Receipts

Women underestimate themselves daily because the brain is designed to forget the good and cling to the bad.

So build your own evidence.

Your Confidence Receipts could be:

• A wins folder on your phone

• A notes app called Allow

• Sticky notes on the inside of a kitchen cupboard

• A weekly “look at me go” list

Your brain needs proof to update its beliefs.
You have to deliberately show it the facts.

Especially if you’re a woman over 40 navigating career change, leadership, or reinvention — the stage of life where the external applause often drops off, and internal belief has to rise up.

Stop Chasing the Next Mountain Without Celebrating the One You Just Climbed

Women rarely pause.
We just crack on.

But confidence is built by acknowledging what you’ve already done — not sprinting straight into the next challenge without recognising the one you conquered yesterday.

Take a moment.
Your confidence needs the pause as much as it needs the push.

Your Call to Action: Do One Tiny Thing Today

Confidence isn’t gifted.
It isn’t inherited.
It isn’t something other people “just have.”

It’s built.
Brick by brick.
Receipt by receipt.
Action by action.

So what’s the one thing — the tiniest thing — you can do today?

Do it now.
Not next time.
Now.
The confidence will follow.

🎧 Want to Go Deeper? Listen to the Confidence Episode on "It’s Got Pockets"

In this episode, we dive into:

• The real cost of overthinking

• Why women confuse readiness with worthiness

• How to take action when the self-doubt is loud

• Why experienced women hit a confidence dip — and how to come back stronger

• The mindset tools that change how you lead, work and live

Listen here: No More Self-Doubt. It’s time to crack the confidence code.

🔥 Ready to Build Your Confidence, Clarity and Courage With Other Women Who Get It?

FoundHer Fire is the place experienced women come to stop shrinking, start leading and design the next chapter that feels as good as it looks.

If you’re ready for your next level - with a human scaffolding system behind you - this is your room. Find out more - and find your fire here.